Rajeev Masand – movies that matter : from bollywood, hollywood and everywhere else

October 29, 2010

Go fish!

Filed under: Their Films — Rajeev @ 8:30 pm

October 29, 2010

Cast: Elisabeth Shue, Jerry O’Connell, Ving Rhames, Steven McQueen, Jessica Szohr, Kelly Brook

Director: Alexandre Aja

Very often a title tells you everything you need to know about a film. Piranha  3D is that kind of title.

This shamelessly exploitative film is set during spring break at a lake in Arizona, where a minor earthquake unleashes what seems like hundreds of razor-toothed prehistoric piranhas on an unsuspecting parade of holidaying students. One teenage boy (played by Steven McQueen) is hired as a location scout on a porn shoot, and Elisabeth Shue stars as the local sheriff and mother of this young fellow whose dream job inevitably turns into nightmare once the boat on which they’re filming becomes the piranhas’ favourite feeding spot.

There’s as little suspense in this film as there are clothes on most of the girls partying at the lake. And one of my favourite B-movie moments in Piranha 3D is the one in which the lower body of a para-sailing porn actress gets chewed by the deadly fish, so when she’s hoisted up in the air you only see her head and breasts and the dismembered remains of her hip area.

The special effects are cheesy, but this film’s target audience of horny young males is unlikely to complain, even as scene after scene of wet T-shirt contests and underwater girl-on-girl action unfolds in gratuitous 3D.

You know exactly what to expect going in to watch a film titled Piranha 3D, so don’t complain about the gallons of blood, the dozens of severed limbs, and the absence of any plot. The 3D allows for a handful of silly gimmicks like one in which the porn film director loses his penis to a school of deadly fish, and in one deadly swoop his floating member becomes piranha-lunch too.

Sadly the film isn’t half as much fun as it should have been, because it appears to take itself too seriously. It ends with a suggestion that a sequel’s on the cards, and one can only hope that one delivers more than just naked girls and half-eaten body parts.

I’m going with two out of five for Piranha 3D. If you must, watch it on a lazy weekend with a bunch of friends, and buy lots of popcorn.

(This review first aired on CNN-IBN)

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